Reply to Why do we judge men who don’t work more harshly than women?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Man here - some of this is because, in general, women who stay home do a lot of the little unpaid tasks that add up to a lot. My SAHM DW to an 11 and 14 year old does almost all the cooking, cleaning, shopping, appointments, homeroom mom, etc. etc. that adds up to probably something like a 6 hour shift. She has it easier than I do now at my biglaw job but when the kids were little, her days were more of a slog than mine.

But if she weren't doing all of those things, I would judge her as lazy.

Also, a lot of it is biology. I have never seen this situation work in reverse (biglaw woman partner with SAH DH). I think men take pride in providing for their families, and women get resentful if their DH isn't working. I think female attraction over the long term is hard enough and they lose attraction if their man isn't working outside the home. "lack of ambition" or how ever you want to phrase it. I am not saying this is fair but it seems very consistent[/quote]

Don’t disagree with this but as a working mom just wanted to chime in that I also do all the things you describe your wife do and same number of kids. Would not say is a 6 hour shift [/quote]

I have a housekeeper that does all of the cooking, cleaning, errand running, laundry, grocery shopping, and home maintenance stuff.  She works 8am-1pm five days a week.  She seems pretty busy.

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ohhhhh! You’re right - all working moms without a housekeeper are wrong. It’s truly not possible to take care of your family and work an 8-9 hour shift. Ty for enlightening us all. Side note - instacart! Wonderful invention. [/quote]

No.  I’m just saying that if you add it up, between you and your husband, you are probably spending 20-30 hours a week on cooking, cleaning, laundry, errands, yardwork, and home maintenance.  You can do that and still work 8 hours a day.  
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We are absolutely not doing 20-30 hours a week of these things. Unless you have an estate and five kids [/quote]

I think that most married couples with kids are spending 20-30 hours/week on cooking, cleaning, laundry, home maintenance, and yardwork (between themselves, their spouse, and any hired help). I can’t think of anyone I know who is spending much less time than that. 
I do know a lot if people who are bad at math though.  I get it.  Multiplying by 7 is hard.  [/quote]

3 hours a day? Maybe if you count procrastinating [/quote]

Yes.  Maybe each member of the couple spends 45 minutes a day during the week (she makes dinner, and he cleans up/takes out the trash and tidies up…they Botha spend 15 minutes getting breakfast on the table, packing lunches, and cleaning up in the morning).  
Then they hire out housekeeping 4 hours a week.  
On the weekends, they still do this daily meal prep, plus each spends 3 hours on their respective tasks.  (Maybe she does the laundry and grocery shopping, while he mows the lawn and cleans out the garage).  
That’s 20 hours/week.  Does that really seem insane to you?
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At this point you are just describing being alive - not what a sahm might do during the day. Unless it’s a marriage where one person outsources literally every single life task including on weekends to a single party which is ridic [/quote]

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