Reply to what to do if your significant other can't or won't do your love language?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op, coming on here, you are going to have an audience of a lot of tired parents who are exhausted from tending to the needs of their children, running a household, taking care of a home, taking care of their aging parents, taking care of their community, while living up to society’s expectations that not only are you supposed to have a thriving career, but you are somehow also supposed to be a great parent who is present and available and supportive and encouraging in all the ways that their parents were not.

And [b]the last thing we need as that parent is another person in our life who is supposed to be our partner in all things, to expect something else from us[/b].  I think you are fine- I don’t think there’s anything wrong with wanting/needing to have love expressed to you verbally.  But for many people’s lived experience, I think that ends up mattering less than showing up every day, for your family, in all of the different ways.

If you recognize that as a dealbreaker for you, you should seek out someone who is very expressive to those they love. It is rare but they are definitely out there![/quote]

I don't think that is always true, or at least people don't really have tolerance for the idea. Look at how common it is to think that wives should have sex with their husbands on a regular basis, even when its a big effort for them or even when they don't want to, because that's how men feel loved.

And I would be nowhere near as satisfied in my relationship if my husband didn't tell me on a regular basis how he felt about me. Wanting to hear a spontaneous "I love you" or "I think you're amazing" once a week is a reasonable expectation no matter how long you have been married.

It sounds like you're saying that a lot of people on this board are just doing too much so they don't want to be expected to do something on top of that for their spouses. That's reasonable, but I don't think the spouse dumping normal expectations of their spouse is the answer. The answer is doing less. If you think about it, it doesn't make sense to run around fulfilling society's expectations for us to the point where we cannot really be there for our partners emotionally. [/quote]

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