Reply to Pendente Lite Guideline vs Actual Spousal Support (in VA) -- How did it compare in your case? SAHM

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Reply to "Pendente Lite Guideline vs Actual Spousal Support (in VA) -- How did it compare in your case? SAHM"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The problem with the courts doesn't seem to be alimony. It seems to be childcare. The childcare stipend someone has to pay to support children is way too small and does not cover college at all. And people will fight custody just so they don't have to pay it which is weird because [b]actually having custody is more expensive[/b].[/quote]

I don't agree but whatever the case, the issue is really control over how the money is spent. I am much happier having custody and making sure my money is actually spent on my children for things I think they need, rather than write a big check to my ex who then decides what to spend it on or maybe doesn't spend it on the kids at all.

When I was married, I already paid for everything the kids did, so being divorced didn't change anything.

As for college, the fact of the matter is that when you divorce, you are now paying to maintain two households, which means that you have less money in total. That means less money available for retirement and college, among other things. If the money isn't there for college, it isn't there. That's just part of the damage you do to your kids when you get divorced.[/quote]

I was coming from a place where my attorney said guys argue over childcare so they can pay less but then don't use their days. The mom rarely argues because she wants the kids the house so will take the reduced paycheck. I don't really understand the college issue in DCUM world. It's a given that most of the jobs around here require college degrees and most of the adults in this area have them. So your child should have them too. Who else is going to take over your IT position if not your child when you retire? So college when both parents went to college should be part of the equation unless you qualify for aid. And the average salary on DCUM is something like $200k so there is definitely money for college.  If you can pay childcare for K-18 you can pay at least that same amount for the college years.[/quote]

It is true that parents should pay for college if they can, and most parents want to do so. That being the case, it doesn't need to be a legal obligation.

I certainly wouldn't want to be in a position where the kid could say, "I am going to attend a stupidly expensive college and study something useless and take eight years to graduate and there's nothing you can do about it because the court will make you pay." You need to have that leverage to say if you do something really dumb, [i]you [/i]will pay for it not me.[/quote]

It should definitely be a legal obligation and court should rule on reasonableness, not you. My exH makes way in excess of $1mm/year and he told son to take loans at 10% interest. A judge would have made him pay reasonable college expenses if that was a law[/quote]

Wrong. Nobody is better equipped to assess the reasonableness of a child's educational plans and goals, both intrinsically and in relation to parental resources, than the parent. The court should stay the hell out of that process. [/quote]

Disagree: there are standards of living and average college expenses that are published. If the adolescent child lives on campus, these reasonable expenses are now much higher vs living with parent(s). Thus it should be automatically included in CS
The law in some states requires to pay a tuition for a community college which I think is around $7,000/year. But what about living expenses ? [/quote]

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