Reply to If you come from a FUNCTIONAL family, why resent/dislike people from dysfunctional families?

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Reply to "If you come from a FUNCTIONAL family, why resent/dislike people from dysfunctional families?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks for the discussion. I haven't agreed with everyone but I have found everyone's perspective interesting.

To clarify, I haven't experienced this recently but I have come across it in life. A lot more in my 20s and 30s (I'm middle aged now and simply don't interact with as broad a range of people as I once did, which is one reason I don't think I've encountered this recently). But I have seen it in life and I definitely see it on DCUM all the time. I'm certainly not saying that everyone from a functional family is like this. At all. More that I have known people from what appear to be functional families (and specifically people who seem to be well loved and supported by their parents, which I think is very central to family functionality due to the fact that I did not experience this) who CAN be very judgmental and not particularly kind towards people who have not had that experience. It always shocks me a bit. I spent probably the first 24 years of my life wanting nothing more than the love and approval of my family of origin, so when I encounter someone who has that and doesn't understand what a gift it is (or that going without it is a terrible kind of pain that can cause all kinds of challenging behaviors), I'm surprised.

Also, I'm raising my kids with the kind of love and security I didn't have, and it disturbs me to think that one day they might not understand that people who don't get that have it hard. Not even necessarily hardER. Just hard. I just want them to have empathy and to understand that while everyone deserves love and belonging, not everyone gets it, and that's something to have soft feelings for, not judgment and anger.[/quote]

I think you did a better job here explaining your thoughts than you have in your previous posts.  Seems the prior poster might feel the same way.

I’ll just add that a couple times you have made the leap to assume that someone doesn’t “understand” or doesn’t appreciate their functional background.  I would caution you about assuming that people don’t have gratitude for their family structure when they disagree with you, for example on the importance of self sufficiency.  They might never be able to put themselves in your shoes having never experienced the hardship that you have, but that doesnt mean they weren’t raised to appreciate their background.   They just have a different perspective.[/quote]

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