Reply to If you come from a FUNCTIONAL family, why resent/dislike people from dysfunctional families?

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Reply to "If you come from a FUNCTIONAL family, why resent/dislike people from dysfunctional families?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Observationally, a lot of "functional" families that are drama-free, warm, welcoming, no abuse, addiction, codependency, etc. also tend to have this dynamic of exclusivity and "our home is a refuge, our family is better than everyone else". Not to say this is a bad thing, but in my experience having friends from these types of families, they breed sanctimony and judgement. Understandably so - when you come from a place of comfort and understanding you feel discomfort and even disgust when you're around dysfunction. [/quote]

I think this hits the nail on the head.  I also think it is very, very conceptually difficult for people who grew up in functional environments to really understand the isolation and shame that come from being abused etc.  I do think also that there may be some subconscious (or conscious!) victim blaming - I see it all the time re: victims of domestic violence, rape, those in poverty etc.  Finally I think there is this embedded fear of contagion - kind of like when people say they avoid divorced people for this reason, they avoid those who’ve experienced misfortune because it might mean that it will then happen to them.

The fact is, untreated trauma - which is really the source of most dysfunction - can make people very unpleasant!  But that’s no reason to judge.  We all have our trials in life. [/quote]

No it isn’t “hitting the nail on the head” to claim with zero evidence that functional families “breed sanctimony and judgment.” [/quote]

It's not a blanket statement. I'm sure there's plenty of functional, kind, empathetic families out there who wash feet of all stripes just like Jesus intended. I also put quotation marks around "functional", and indicated the lens of my own experience. Sounds like this description resonated with others in the thread, so I know I'm not totally off base here. Maybe it's more accurate to say that there are families who are on paper very functional and happy: no obvious signs of trauma or abuse, home is a safe place, parent, child, and sibling relationships and attachments are close and healthy. But there is an insularity, whether intentional or not, that prevents exposure to the diversity of experiences that develop a stronger sense of empathy and inclusion. Hence they turn out kids who grow into adults who react in an "Ew, that would never happen in MY precious, perfect family" sort of way. Venture over to the private schools forum sometime.[/quote]

This.[/quote]

+1[/quote]

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