Reply to If you come from a FUNCTIONAL family, why resent/dislike people from dysfunctional families?

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Reply to "If you come from a FUNCTIONAL family, why resent/dislike people from dysfunctional families?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Observationally, a lot of "functional" families that are drama-free, warm, welcoming, no abuse, addiction, codependency, etc. also tend to have this dynamic of exclusivity and "our home is a refuge, our family is better than everyone else". Not to say this is a bad thing, but in my experience having friends from these types of families, they breed sanctimony and judgement. Understandably so - when you come from a place of comfort and understanding you feel discomfort and even disgust when you're around dysfunction. [/quote]

I think this hits the nail on the head.  I also think it is very, very conceptually difficult for people who grew up in functional environments to really understand the isolation and shame that come from being abused etc.  I do think also that there may be some subconscious (or conscious!) victim blaming - I see it all the time re: victims of domestic violence, rape, those in poverty etc.  Finally I think there is this embedded fear of contagion - kind of like when people say they avoid divorced people for this reason, they avoid those who’ve experienced misfortune because it might mean that it will then happen to them.

The fact is, untreated trauma - which is really the source of most dysfunction - can make people very unpleasant!  But that’s no reason to judge.  We all have our trials in life. [/quote]

No it isn’t “hitting the nail on the head” to claim with zero evidence that functional families “breed sanctimony and judgment.” [/quote]

But then it begs the question why some people who seem to (and claim to) be from functional families are [b]so sanctimonious and judgmental[/b]. Either these people are in denial and actually they have dysfunction in their family that is causing their sanctimony/judgment (these are maladaptive behaviors) OR there is something about being from a functional family that causes these specific things.[/quote]This is your perception.  Perhaps they aren't.  It is hard to say without any specific examples.  In general, though, OP (if you are OP), it seems to me like you've recently been let down and had some bad experiences with a specific friend or group of friends.  I'm sorry that has happened to you.  My suggestion is to take a break from those people and, if you can't, then to at least take a break from sharing your thoughts and feelings with them.  Be kind and courteous, the way you expect them to be to you, but stop sharing and simply try to coexist.  See if some distance helps.[/quote]

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