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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. My mom is in excellent shape. Maybe better shape than me. Yes she may not always be that way. But not everyone needs care as they get older. Some people just die in their sleep or after a short illness. My grandma lived on her own until she died at 95. 100% independent.  Yes she may need care but that is not a given.

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Statistically, seniors who don't need care and die after a short illness are a RARITY. You might think it will happen to your mother because of good genetics, but actually it's a lottery. Seniors are fragile, and they're ALL one bad fall away from disability and needing round the clock care. PLEASE understand this, OP.

I agree with all the others who are trying to explain that sometimes parents know that one of their children will never get it together, and to help them lead a life of dignity, more help is needed. I have one child with ADHD and HFA, and one who is very functional. I hope to leave them equal amounts, but I could see how despite all his hard work, my child with SN might need more help. I would never want to hurt my successful child and make her feel as if her hard work is not rewarded. However she's lived with her brother all these years, and can see for herself what difficulties he has. These relationships are complex. Maybe it will turn out the other way - perhaps she'll be the one in difficulties, and her brother will be in a position of success. Anything can happen, and what matters is that we're a team and we're on the same side.

Also, if ever your brother helps your mother when she needs care, that is very valuable. Eldercare is terribly expensive, OP. You have no idea! If he doesn't do it himself, who will pay for it? Ask yourself that. Will the money come from your mother, will you have to pay something, will you stick her in a Medicaid nursing facility?

So... lots of things to think about.
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