Reply to OP from an earlier thread back with an update.

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[quote=Anonymous][quote] OP. I’m tapped out. I can’t take anymore from him. I’m tired of doing everything. I don’t want to have to manage him. I don’t want to have to monitor his use, I don’t want to add marriage counseling to my already busy schedule, I don’t want to deal with him going to rehab or meetings or whatever. Because now instead of watching the kids so he can sleep in after getting high all night, I have to watch the kids so he can go to therapy or a meeting or whatever.

If he had come to me and said he had a problem and needed help, fine. But I can’t trust him. He lied to my face multiple times. Now I have to worry about what else he could be lying about.

He certainly isn’t showing any level of concern for my well-being. He’s not once asked how I’m doing, it’s all him crying about how horrible his life will be now. What about my life? Does he think it’s fun for me to play mommy to a grown man who wants to act like a teenager? So we had a baby. Tough. I’m going through the same thing, not to mention hormones and BFing and healing from birth, and I’m not running around acting like a child. [/quote]

[/quote]NP— You have 100% made the right decision OP. I didn’t read your previous link. First time reading this one. Unless it’s cathartic for you to offer posters explanations for your decision, don’t. I’ve read all the responses and these folks are wrong. I hate how cannabis use is normalized. It’s a sloth drug. I’ve  known a few people over the years who’ve used it daily and it is of no use. I can tell when someone is high, even a stranger. Sluggish, sloth like, and dim. It’s absolutely addicting. People here are delusional. Document all you need now as the pp suggested. Shop for an attorney. The goal is sole custody. You already feel relieved that  the cloud has been lifted. I bow to your level headed capability with a 4 month old. Tend to your kids and shut him down. Send the dogs to daycare for a week or four. Order your husband to foot the bill and take them to and from. I hope you have a trusted friend to lean on during this process. You’ve made the right decision. Don’t listen to Karen Pence up ^ and the daily tokers. DH is dead weight. Cut him loose. It will be ok. You are an incredible mom! [/quote]

[quote]Thanks! It actually is helpful for me to respond to PP’s, it helps me through my thinking process and to come up with things I haven’t thought of. I know I’ll face the same statement from people in real life - already friends I’ve told feel bad for him and are pressuring me to “help” him more (oddly enough, they are almost all people whose spouses also have addictions).

I just realized yesterday that looking back, I can tell when he’s been deceptive because he turns the loving dial WAY up. I start getting lots of random love texts and post it notes, he calls me more, is more physically intimate, etc. I don’t know if that’s a side effect or if it’s out of guilt. Every time I’ve caught him being deceptive about something it’s after a period like this. That’s the worst part, being lied to. And knowing all of that was a giant manipulation. Last weekend he made a big proclamation about getting me some nice jewelry and said we should spend the weekend looking at it, but now I realize that was all just a tactic to get me more attached (and there was zero follow through, he spent the whole weekend doing other things). I feel very foolish for buying into any of it, he has always seemed like a genuine person but it was all manipulation. [/quote]

NP again— You’re resolute! It shows in your responses. Some really good advice from posters supporting you. The friends who are pressuring you to “help” him aren’t the ones to lean on. You only need one or two friends or family members to pick up the slack when you need them. I love how you’re concerned about the dogs. Be a bit manipulative yourself, and tell DH its a very sweet gesture that he wants to splurge on jewelry for you, but you’d like him to spend the money on doggy daycare. Explain that they need some respite and grooming. It’ll be a blast for them to get exercise and attention. Maybe you will get a dog walker out of it too. It will ease the guilt for you and force him to take on some responsibility. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. We’ve all been duped. He is clearly manipulative. I’m rooting for you. Wish I could be that person for you, but trust that an internet stranger will check back here if you need a sounding board. Big hug![/quote]

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