Reply to I regret having kids. I don't like being a mom. And it's affecting my marriage

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Reply to "I regret having kids. I don't like being a mom. And it's affecting my marriage"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I thought about where to post this but think this might be the best forum. I am 46 and have a 5 year old and 11 year old. I really dislike being a mom. I love my kids. I think they are amazing but I can't stand parenting. I try hard to be patient and loving but I feel like I don't have any ability to just do whatever I want to do. I know this sounds really selfish. I get that I brought these kids into the world - they didn't have the choice. But how do I get to a better place? How do I stop resenting being a mom? I hate constantly telling them to not fight. To be kinder to each other. They don't listen and then I lose my cool.

My husband is angry that I don't spend more time volunteering at their schools, playing board games with them and getting more involved with their activities. I don't know how to do as much as he does - I simply don't care. I hate board games. I spent 3 hours volunteering at their field day and I wanted to poke my eyes out.

It's getting to a place where I just want to run away. I feel like any effort I make is not enough. Is this normal or do most moms love being a mom? [b]I really regret a lot of my decisions in life. I just can't wait for them to grow up so I have the freedom to do what I want to do.[/b] Jeez, I sound like a horrible person. [/quote]

I think individual therapy would be good for you.  There’s a lot to unpack there in terms of life regrets that go beyond motherhood, and perhaps romanticizing a phase in your life that hasn’t happened yet.[/quote]

Agree with this - you should have support finding space for yourself in your own life.  It’s not good to model for kids that women give their lives up for children - that is not what I want my kids to feel they have to do as parents. You also need support how to frame responses to your DH’s demands - is he demanding certain forms of engagement? what’s the underlying reason? are there substitutes you can offer that you can live with?  OP, you might also want to take a parenting class(es) with your DH. Some degree of sibling fighting is normal, but at the age of your kids, you both should be helping them express emotions and solve conflict reasonably.  I recommend Parent Encouragement Program (pepparent.org, I think).  As a bonus, the PEP perspective is to foster the independence of kids - so at the ages of your children, they should be doing a lot of what it takes to run the house and their daily lives, thus minimizing the parent drudgery. [/quote]

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