Reply to Wife constantly talking about how much men suck

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I think people often get stuck in complaint loops with this stuff. The PPs who talked about spouses who became obsessed about ranting about Trump are onto something. My DH is like this and even though I agree with him, I really hit a wall with having to hear for the 4000th how mad DH was about something or other Trump had done. Or wanting to watch the Daily Show or Seth Myers just to be able to nod along with the jokes about how bad Trump is. Again, I agree, but I can't steep myself in the misery of it. It seems masochistic.

I think ranting about how men are awful is similar. I think this became a loop a lot of women got stuck in after #MeToo, just something they could turn to when frustrated or a mini-philosophy about the world. So now when they see or experiencing something bad, they turn to "men suck" and it makes them feel better because at least they can explain it.

I agree it's way too simplistic and really doesn't capture what is going on with misogyny and patriarchy. For starters, women reinforce misogyny and patriarchy ALL THE TIME. Even women who describe themselves as feminists do this. I know women who went to the women's march and proudly declare themselves feminists, but who will say things about women they know like, "Well of course her husband doesn't help around the house -- she's really let herself go since they had kids and he doesn't feel appreciated." That's a direct quote, by the way. Many women have become kind of knee jerk feminists who want to cheerlead women in general, and can get very angry on their own behalf when they sense misogyny at play, but otherwise just blindly buy into lots of misogynist notions about women and relationships without much introspection.

OP, maybe you can start pointing out when women reinforce patriarchy to your wife. Start with easy ones, like Kelly Ann Conway or Johnny Depp's lawyer. It might force your wife to start recognizing that patriarchy is actually a lot more complicated than just "men suck" and that there are actually plenty of women in positions of power or authority who benefit from patriarchy more than certain men do, often because of their class status, their whiteness, or their willingness to betray other women. Eventually maybe your wife will evolve her philosophy to something a bit more accurate, like "people suck, especially when doing so helps them oppress others." Or "systems of oppression suck." Not as catchy but a lot more accurate. Good luck![/quote]

Thanks for this. I definitely relate to the bit about sharing political sensibilities but burning out on the idea of watching political shows that amount to wallowing in misery. [/quote]

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