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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]In July of 2021, after being blamed of prioritizing my parents over her by my MIL to DH, I dropped the rope.

I can count on one hand the number of times DH has visited with our children over the past year.

We haven’t had a single visit as a family, because I haven’t planned it or encouraged he plan it.

Not a single dinner. Not one gift. No cards. No flowers. Because I haven’t purchased them.

I’m not even sure the last time he spoke to her, because I haven’t encouraged him to.

I wonder if deep down she realizes, even though she’d never admit it.

Ladies, do yourself a favor if you haven’t already and put the rope down. It’s heavy and you don’t need to carry it by yourself. [/quote]

Needed this. My ILs live locally. MIL is EXTREMELY needy. I think there are marriage issues. My husband has a really busy work schedule (I'm solidly 9-5), we have a 1 year old. He flat out told me, "I need your help making sure my parents see Larlo." I tried last fall but MIL is so anxious, and would spiral out about whatever drama was going on in her life whenever we'd spend time together. She's a very anxious person. I tried inviting her to see our son to babysit at our house, to go out to do errands, she never showed up on time or canceled last minute/got confused on timing. Very unreliable and doesn't keep a schedule.

Finally, most recently with daycare COVID closures, she took it upon herself to dispel wisdom such as how "greedy" I am to try and work and raise a child and that "women can't in fact have it all, so you need to let me be more involved, you clearly can't do this on your own." and suggested I stop working because it was "sad" how little time we spend with our son. DH is unavailable, so I have come to realize I think she was trying to break me down and beg her for her help.

I dropped the rope 100%. Told my husband interactions with his family were on him and that I would not be spending time with MIL if this was how she was going to speak to me. I have not made a plan with her once since this winter (I used to feel guilty that DH wouldn't see her very often, so I used to at least try), and it feels DAMN good. I think my biggest anxiety was that it was just "wrong" to let too much time pass w/o seeing the ILs. However, if DH isn't making it a priority, there's no reason for me to do so. I work hard and I'm not spending my hard-earned weekend relaxation time with someone who is going to treat me rudely nor be enjoyable to spend time around.

DH's sched still hasn't gotten better. He's asked if I "can help him set up time with his parents" to see our son and I put it squarely back on him. I say, "Send a text, make a plan, and you're all set." and I think it's because he doesn't want to deal with their flakiness either. Sometimes there's a reason they just "can't find time."

I feel like a little big of a jerk, but I just don't care anymore. If they wanted their son to value time/relationship with them, even if I don't agree with his behavior (I'm very close to my own parents and call them all the time), that's on them to have taught him the importance of family. And it's on him if he's not making the plan. I'm not the one who needs to make it better for him/his parents. MIL still tries to come to me for family plans, I simply say, "DH knows his schedule best, so I recommend reaching out to him." DH's sister even reaches out to me to set up calls with DH and I say the same.

Rant over... but it feels good to know someone else has let all this time pass and put the onus on DH. It's about freaking time. And part of me thinks my husband is just being an a-hole... but I'm convinced he doesn't really want to deal with some of their behavior either.[/quote]

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