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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I'm a man who was raised in the 60s and 70s. Spanking was the go-to punishment for my parents. I thought for a long time this was just standard parenting. But since I had my own kids I have lost a lot of respect for my own parents. I now strongly believe that if you hit your kids, you have failed as a parent.

I have never seen any need whatsoever to hit my kids. Not hard at all to avoid it. I have never felt rage or extreme anger or the urge to hit my kids. Maybe I'm just lucky and have exceptionally good kids? Whatever the case, it is inconceivable to me that I'd hit them. (They are now well past the age for it anyway.)[/quote]

You're lucky you never felt rage toward your kids. I have.

I was talking about how to effectively parent my challenging child with my sibling, who grew up getting spanked a lot more than I did. He said he was a pure a*hole who just didn't know any better until his late teen years. He had no advice for me. [/quote]

Is it possible that your brother was an "a*hole" because of how he was treated? I'm not just talking about "spankings". I think whichever parent abused your brother had no patience or tender feeling for him and took any opportunity to hurt him and justify it by labelling him as a bad kid. My parents were each abusive in their own ways and I observed at the time that my dad was roughest on my eldest brother and my mom was harshest on me. You seem hesitant to accuse your parents of abuse, by where do you suppose your rage comes from? I know I was affected not only by being beaten, but from witnessing my siblings being abused, as well. Please consider working on your rage feelings toward your kids. I promise they do nothing to deserve it.[/quote]

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