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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]

I'm a man who was raised in the 60s and 70s. Spanking was the go-to punishment for my parents. I thought for a long time this was just standard parenting. But since I had my own kids I have lost a lot of respect for my own parents. I now strongly believe that if you hit your kids, you have failed as a parent.

I have never seen any need whatsoever to hit my kids. Not hard at all to avoid it. I have never felt rage or extreme anger or the urge to hit my kids. Maybe I'm just lucky and have exceptionally good kids? Whatever the case, it is inconceivable to me that I'd hit them. (They are now well past the age for it anyway.)[/quote]

You're lucky you never felt rage toward your kids. I have.

I was talking about how to effectively parent my challenging child with my sibling, who grew up getting spanked a lot more than I did. He said he was a pure a*hole who just didn't know any better until his late teen years. He had no advice for me. [/quote]

Of course he had no advice for you -- your parents just hit him instead of trying to get to the root of why he was a "put a*hole" so your brother grew up just kind of assuming there is something inherently wrong with him. It is unsurprising he has not real insight now. Your parents gave up on him.

I get feeling rage towards your kids but as a parent you have to understand that the rage is always, 100% YOUR feeling to deal with. You cannot make the rage go away by hitting your kids. It might frighten them into being obedient, but it won't do anything about the provocation.

You need to go to therapy. Parenting coaching can help too. The worst thing you can do as a parent is simply give up on them. That's what hitting them is.[/quote]

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