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[quote=Anonymous][quote] That book's title makes me think it's too much "shore up your marriage!" and not enough "cheating is about the dumbo who did it, not the 'marriage'." I'd recommend Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass and How to Help Your Spouse Heal from an Affair by Linda J. MacDonald. I also think the articles on the Infidelity Help Group website are very logical.

We tried marital counseling but other than the counselor putting my husband in his place (he was still all blame-y and clueless at that point) it didn't help much. Individual counseling is much better. I did it for a year or so and my husband still goes. He definitely needed to learn and deepen a lot of skills: self-awareness, communication, resilience, etc.[/quote]

This is very good advice.  Her DH should read How to Help Your Spouse Heal and treat it like his bible.  He needs to go absolutely no contact with his AP, and they should draft a text together telling AP that and stating no further contact. If they work together, then he should find a new job; otherwise, your sister is going to be triggered every time he goes to work. Sister should have complete access to all his devices and social media accounts, and she should be blocked on everything.  Your sister needs Individual counseling to deal with this emotional trauma, and her DH needs it to fix himself and learn to be a safe partner.  Marriage counseling right now is premature; the marriage is not what caused DH to cheat.  Tgere is some good advice on survivinginfidelity.com if your sister wants to read there.[/quote]

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