Reply to How to Fix This DH and MIL Issue

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] I am definitely frustrated. I apologize for the snark. I have not meant to be aggressive. I am certainly surprised by the number of responses that seem to be comfortable with somebody sharing another persons health information with other people. I can’t help but wonder if this would be different with slight changes to the circumstances. For example if my sister were pregnant and DH told his sister (who has friends in common with my sister). How many threads are there complaining about somebody sharing pregnancy news that is not their own?  In those scenarios the majority has seemed to understand that  health information (pregnancy) is for the expectant parents to share, not the excited family members, friends, or anybody else who happens to know. It seems to me the only differences between those threads and this one is the age and the health condition. The fact that health information is being shared by someone other than a person with the health condition remains the same.[/quote]

Same poster whose kid had cancer. Your analogy really has me thinking more on this. I think the reason I would not share pregnancy info isn’t because it is “health information.” I would not share it because it is a major life event that I generally know people prefer to share themselves. I think pregnancy is more analagous with divorce. I likely would not share divorce info, because it is a major life event that the person involved would prefer to share themselves. You seem to have a really particular focus on health information. If your mom broke her arm, would that be a secret? I mean that with no snark. I just can see your hsuband struggling with what health info is sensitive versus not sensitive.[/quote]

I wouldn’t share early pregnancy info, but I would share once the person has shared openly that they are pregnant. I would not share information about people being separated or going through divorce, but I would share once the divorce was final, or if the divorcing couple was open about it.

It didn’t occur to me not to tell my mom that my MIL has cancer just like it didn’t occur to me not to tell my MIL about my dad’s Parkinson’s. These are not secrets in my world.

Your level of secrecy around normal life events is really toxic, OP.  It’s like you’re concerned someone will use that information in some negative way. I can’t even imagine what. I mean, I get secrecy about some conditions so that you’re not passed over for a promotion at work or something, but that’s not what I hear you saying. And keeping it a secret from your kids? That’s going to breed fear and resentment over time.

But I agree that the real issue is you need to get on the same page with your DH. [/quote]

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