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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Let me preface this by saying I love this friend, and I don't want to ruin our friendship because I am very lonely. But she's continually making comments like "I am so glad I don't have kids" and "It must be so gross cleaning up a boy's toilet, I'm so glad I don't have to do that." I never even mentioned cleaning toilets! I never even complain about child-rearing, period. How do I respond to comments like these?[/quote]

My childfree friend once said to me, "I didn't realize how hard it was having kids until I observed you (and dh) with your kids." I felt embarrassed and insulted, but she is my friend and I trust she meant no offense. Childfree adults have no idea what it feels like to have a child and no way can they understand how changing your own kid's diaper is not gross, it is standard care. The reward is the joy, love and smiles they bring into your life.[/quote]

How in the WORLD is that insulting?[/quote]

She said we make parenting look difficult, essentially. We have a child centered home where the kids' needs and feelings are considered in our choices, etc. In our style of parenting, there are no selfish parental indulgences if they would interfere with the kids' needs or care. My friend is spontaneous, often going out of town on a whim. She also sleeps until 11am on weekends. I was up with the kids at the crack of dawn with the kids in those days. [/quote]

DP here.  You've overlaid an insult on top of what most people would consider a compliment.  It wasn't that you made parenting look difficult.  It's that she never considered all of the work that goes into parenting until she observed it through you.  She went from a point of ignorance on a subject (child rearing) to a point of knowledge and you helped with that education.  It wasn't judgmental or critical, but you framed it as such and that was a problem of framing on your part.  There are many people who do not know much about a given subject, even a common one, until someone in their sphere experiences or shares their journey or experience.  And then, they learn.  And frequently, the learning shows the many things they had never considered.  For someone who has never had to do any form of childcare, they could make the assumption that since so many people willingly go through with it, that it isn't that hard.  And it can be eye opening just how many details, complications, and issues come up and that have to be resolved.

Rather than take umbrage from something like that, you need to reframe it, that your friend is now more informed about all that goes with childcare because of her observation of your journey.  For most people, they would say that your friend gained a newfound respect for what you and all parents go through in raising children.  [/quote]

Very well said!![/quote]

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