Reply to The school has arranged for us to meet with the parents of the child who has been bullying our child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would probably go just because I’d be curious as to what they have to say, but that’s just me.  I’d also keep my own mouth shut and not saying anything more than some sort of non-committal generalities.  [/quote]

I would be curious too.

When my children have been bullied in the past, I have really only had their word to go on, and I’ve wondered how they were contributing to the situation.  Both times this happened, I met with the other parents, heard their perspective, and recognized that these were not reasonable people and my child was not at fault.  
Once was a little boy who was threatening my son.  Met his parents, and they were rude and threatening and had no insight into why their child was wrong.  
The other was a little girl who was encouraging all of the irks in the class not to talk to my daughter.  I thought that maybe my daughter had gotten into an argument with this girl and was exaggerating.  During this meeting, the girls’ mom mentioned that she was prom queen and her husband was a prominent attorney, then told me that some people just know how to make friends (like her child) and some just don’t.  Again, no insight that her child’s behavior was not okay.

Anyway, I found it very helpful to get a better understanding of the situation and to advocate for my child.  
[/quote]

The fact is, victims of bullying often create their own bullying. A crude way to put it is to say a kid has a punchable face. More charitably, the kid just doesn’t fit in. A SN kid doesn’t know how to carry himself, or a “regular” kid is just weird. Kids have enough going on just with learning and hormones. They don’t need to worry they’re going to shatter some kids when they’re just experimenting.

So you should attend. Technically the other kids are “at fault”, but yours plays a role. Own it.[/quote]

Are you a troll?  Because that is some amazing victim-blaming.  Also, it made no sense.  The victim of bullying does not invite bullying by saying he himself has a punchable face, or just doesn't fit in.[/quote]

DP: I'm a psychologist. Anyone can be bullied. Preventing bullying has a lot more to do with the school context (how adults monitor, how adults encourage students to act--including standing up for others, the consequences for bullying) than anything about your kid who is bullied.  And actually a lot of what PP described as triggering bullying (for instance, being "weird" in some way) is far more likely to cause students to be excluded rather than bullied.  People are more likely to bully someone they think could encroach on their place in a social hierarchy than someone they perceive to be fully an 'outsider' despite what decades of movie stereotypes show.   Since bullying is by definition repeated aggression with intent to harm, the best way to stop it is to firmly address it the first time someone expresses aggression to them (-- the kid who experiences aggression stands firm and tells the kid to stop, ignores it and walks away, defuses the situation with humor or whatever makes sense with their specific individual situation).  If it's a minor aggression, that may be enough.  If it's more serious let teacher/other adult know and know how you want it handled---separation, consequence for bully, more monitoring depending on age/situation.  If it ever happens more than once from the same person, even minor, let teacher/adult know and insist on letting them know how they will monitor it and what they will do if it happens again.

Sometimes people being bullied do bully others.  If your kid complains of being the victim of aggression, ask your teacher if your kid has ever shown aggression to others.  That's a different situation to handle.

As for OP, I'd want clarification on what this meeting is supposed to accomplish before agreeing to it.[/quote]

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