Reply to Does anyone feel a responsibility to dispell the myth that you can wait until almost 40 to have kids

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[quote=Anonymous]Unfortunately this discussion seems to have devolved into a conversation about whether women are too picky about their mates...I think many of us feel judged enough for our reproductive choices not to have to throw in a healthy dose of guilt about our romantic lives as well.

I did want to respond to the OP.  When I was in grad school, a lot of attention was paid to the climate in my field of science for women.  To that effect, issues of work-life balance were discussed very openly.  Though there were generally few women, one of my world-renowned professors (the kind that its really impossible to imagine as anything other than a scientist) used to discuss her decisions about having children quite openly.  She waited until after she had her tenure position to have her first in her late 30s.  She always says that at the time she had no idea the risk she was taking with her fertility and how lucky she was to still have children.  She says if she were to do it over she would never wait, and she would advise no one to wait on account of career if they want kids and feel that they can personally/financially support them.  In her view, she would regret not having kids far more than she would reject not having got tenure.

I don't think that her advice should be translated to say that anyone who doesn't have kids in their 20s or early 30s is an idiot or irresponsible.  You obviously have to balance considerations like whether you want to parent with a partner or are barely scraping together rent.  But at least in the sciences I think there is a tendency even among women who have partners they want to parent with (or have already decided to parent alone) to wait based on the perception that it might harm their career.  The reality is that it might.  You may not be able to balance the demands of your career and child-rearing.  Or your child may have special needs that limit your ability to pursue career opportunities (this is especially true for academics who often have to move frequently for jobs until well-past the age of 35).  But all of that could be true even if you have kids later in your career too.[/quote]

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