Reply to How to get over traveling spouse resentment?

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[quote=Anonymous]The question you asked was how to get over the resentment. And the answer is therapy for yourself. You will never fully get over it, especially after he doubled down that he is more successful because he did not listen to you (not that I wish that the company goes under because that would hurt you but a little humility wouldn't hurt him). Work on getting yourself into a better place, rather than getting over the resentment.

I agree with others that you need to pause the saving for retirement. If the company really does sell, you can put in a larger chunk to grow back that retirement. If not, it has to be what it is. I would not look to increase nanny hours, but maybe activities. Can you get K into three after school things? Can the twins take swim three days a week or soccer? Yes you have to drive people places, but then they are "watched" by someone else for an hour. I would look into that to give you some breaks.

I would also look into house cleaner, food meal prep / delivery. There are many that do clean eating.

Finally, I agree when he is home, he takes the kids. No exceptions. You get your car keys and you leave as soon as he gets home. Show him the impact of one person unilaterally deciding to do what they want. It will be a pissing contest for a little bit and you will need to dig in (the house will be messy, the dishes will not be done, laundry will be a mess), but you need to show him more what it is like to be solo without nanny and mom. You will also need to be ok with him doing it differently. But, then you can have a real conversation about the family needs.

It sounds like he is struggling and running away -- like he knows that three kids and twins is a lot. He likes traveling because it is easy and adult. Maybe try another approach to get him to admit his fears and why he was so excited to "run away" from the family so much. Maybe he will break a little and you can make some inroads into actually talking to each other and making a plan that works for you both. [/quote]

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