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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Your are not unreasonable. Do some research and find nearby accommodation that's make for easy visits. Couch your response in how long stays affect the kids and offer the accommodation info. [/quote]

Agreed. Do the research and sent it to your SIL. She won't be happy (especially since your family gets to stay with you for a week) but it's also not realistic for them to stay for a month. And she will want her own space to heal. [/quote]

Another +1 to both the above. This is too big an ask on her part. It is NOT comparable to your parents visiting for one week; your parents won't be there, expecting to recuperate from an operation, expecting another adult (MIL) to be there by their side, etc.

This is a situation with too many potential variables and FAR too much potential for conflicts and rifts that last after she's gone. Where is your DH on all this?? Does he think she should stay? I would walk him through all the issues you mention with the kids, then with the idea that SIL recovering from an operation is not comparable to your healthy parents visiting, then I'd add these scenarios:

--What happens if SIL's operation gets delayed? It happens. Would she just stay on with you, until it takes place? 
--What if the operation doesn't go well and she has a longer-than-expected recuperation? You will have more weeks of a houseguest who is laid up. 
--What are the arrangements supposed to be for food, even if her stay goes ideally and she recuperates easily-- Are you meant to cook enough at every meal to feed her and MIL? Even if they pay for food, that's a lot of additional labor. Or would MIL be in your kitchen preparing food for her and SIL? One doesn't want to be ungenerous with food, money or time, but if you end up with a month total of houseguests (or more, if SIL ends up staying longer) -- that's a ton of meals with extra people around, even if they do pay toward food. It will be very disruptive to the kids, really.
--What if MIL doesn't come, or gets sick, or tests positive for Covid and should stay home, or comes for a shorter time than SIL thought? Who ends up looking after SIL when she needs something but can't yet get up and get it herself? Well, of course DH or you would help because you're decent folks. But...it will get very old, and nerves will fray. Is MIL in tip-top shape herself, and is she the one who says she'll come--or is SIL volunteering her?

I'm not being mean about houseguests in general or about a person who needs medical help. But this thing of bunking with you while recuperating is basically asking for trouble, OP. Be very proactive and positive about finding alternative arrangements so you don't seem to be rejecting her as a person, but do find something else. Get specifics to send her. But the one sending them, and telling her no, should be your DH, not you. Everyone handles their OWN families of origin in case like this. If you say no, your'e the mean SIL but if he says no, well, he's the brother and can suck it up. [/quote]

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