Reply to How do you keep your ILs from promoting traditional roles?

Forum Index » Family Relationships

Reply to "How do you keep your ILs from promoting traditional roles?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My ILs buy our daughter (2) various gifts. While generous, all the gifts are baby dolls and baby strollers and the like. Some cooking toys. Anyway, she’ll push the stroller and they’ll tell her, “Aww, Larla, you’ll make such a good mommy.” It drives me nuts. I want to take her outside at times when they’re over (to play) and they always say it’s too cold. [/quote]
How many hours a week are in-laws at your house?[/quote]

Several.[/quote]
Like 2? Or 10?[/quote]

Every Sunday for at least 3 hours. Then childcare 1-2x a week.[/quote]

So they are ok to use for childcare.  But they can’t pick out toys?  Got it. [/quote]

Never said that. [/quote]
You said every Sunday + childcare 1 - 2x a week. Sounds like you’re depending on their help. Your criticism of them doesn’t seem to be a big deal. Is that your biggest complaint? Are you paying them 25/hr or is it free babysitting?[/quote]

Yes, it’s free. My biggest complaint is that it’s ONLY girl toys and I don’t like the way they talk around DD.[/quote]

What's wrong with "girl" toys?  Honest question.  Are they somehow inferior?  I have plenty of "girl" toys for my boys because they like them better sometimes (the stroller, and the kitchen, for starters but also the purse because I always have a purse with me).  I hate this whole script of girl toys somehow being inferior and when someone tells a little girl she'll make a good mommy one day there has to be a reply that she will also make a good lawyer one day.  Like- fine- of course she might.  But the response seems to be under the assumption that being a mommy one day is somehow not enough, or lesser.  What the hell is wrong with being a mother???[/quote]

This! I loath the underlying misogyny of hating playing with dolls etc if it's done  my girls.[/quote]

Thank you.  I'm glad at least one person out there agrees with me that if a girl wants something pink, or a doll, we do not have to swoop in and also give her something blue, and a truck, and remind her that she doesn't have to pick the pink, or the doll, she can pick the blue and the truck if she wants!  Until we start telling boys, when they pick a toy truck, that they don't have to pick a truck they can pick a pink doll instead because dolls are just as awesome!- then all we are doing when we discourage girls from choosing girly things is underlining the idea that "girly" means "not as good as".  Which is incredibly misogynistic.

Rant over.  Sorry. [/quote]

I am so glad others are pointing this out. What is so demeaning about being a mommy or playing with dolls? Maybe OP should worry less about the message the gparents are sending and more about the messages she's sending. If they say girls get cold, just grab an extra jacket?  If they actively prevent her from doing stuff bc "girls don't do that" then of course you should intervene, but all OP has talked about is offhand comments that probably go over her head anyway, and some kind of dated stereotypes. OP's stereotypes are pretty dated, too. I pity the poor toddler stuck in this bizarre cultural tug-of-war. 
[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics