Reply to Found out today that my MIL deeply resents me

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I want more info! The minor miscommunication yesterday. Was it your fault? Were you late? What was it.

When she says you are "ungrateful and dissatisfied" does that mean you are not grateful/satisfied enough for her? Or her son? Just generally?

The thing here really is your reaction, you are "gutted." I am so sorry. I do think this means something about your own mother and your feelings about mother-daughter relationships, and maybe somehow your MIL relationship has not been conducted on the same ground. You have a misunderstanding, or the boundaries aren't right.

But a lot of this hinges on yesterday's incident, so please share![/quote]

Thank you for this. Yes, I have problems with enmeshment with my family of origin and probably have similar with MIl. She is in conflict with her daughter often though and says very mean things about her, so I should not expect better treatment. My DH is the golden boy though and is never wrong or criticized.

She thinks I am ungrateful/unsatisfied apparently because I had 3 babies in 6 years, and moved twice, and am now moving out of state. It’s kind of unclear. She also says that (in a more recent text) I am trying to play the victim and she will not allow it. This is because I texted her that my daughter has been crying all day because she missed her date with her grandma yesterday when grandma pitched a fit. This is 100% true, my daughter was very disappointed and I had no words to explain what happened. [/quote]
I see your enmeshment here. You crave this relationship. You already knew before this incident who she was. You say that she says mean things about her daughter Andy there’s lots of slights  that you have ignored because you want her favor and today she finally turned on you in your face because she’s turned  on you before you just didn’t know about it. She didn’t just change,  this is the kind of ugly person that she is and I’m sorry that you were hurt but I honestly don’t understand people who say ‘oh I’m so close to so and so ,  she’s mean to everybody else but she is not like that with me. She’s not looking me that with you YET!.  She is mean,  she’s mean , she’s gonna be mean to you and I don’t care if she likes you,  loves you or anything else, if that’s who she is that is the hell who she is.[/quote]

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