Reply to Controlling mother + DH ongoing conflicts

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[quote=Anonymous]
I'm 17:55. My husband is controlling and has had abusive episodes in the past (surrounding access to finances as well as angry outbursts and blackmail-type situations).

I strongly suspect he has Asperger's, or high-functioning autism. In addition to the usual lack of understanding in some social situations, his absence of friends, his communication issues at work, his general lack of empathy... it makes him over-react during domestic disputes - a lack of proportional response, as it were. When he decides on a rule, the rule has to be followed regardless,whether or not it makes sense. He thinks in a very rigid manner. The dish-washing incident makes me think that he's made "boundary-setting" rules in his head, and applies them inappropriately to minor situations.

You might want to think about whether you husband has symptoms of a psychiatric condition, so that you can understand how best to communicate with him and predict his reactions. It will help you with conflict management.[/quote]

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