Reply to Man I’m dating constantly rescues 21 yr old daughter

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[quote=Anonymous] This will be long, op, so stick with me.

Your boyfriend is probably parenting his daughter in the only way he knows. Very likely, her mom needed special care while she was pregnant (you mentioned pregnancy loss) and very likely the daughter needed special care as an infant and toddler.  I was born premature back in the 1970’s, and my mom has often said “The best parenting move I ever made was to have your younger sister, I was focusing on you to an unhealthy degree”. She’s probably right. 
Your boyfriend may be grieving the pregnancy losses, they are difficult because you experience a death with none of the death protocols, funeral memorial service that sort of thing. The lost babies never did anything to piss you off either, so they are angelic and always will be. He is very likely pouring the love, care and concern that would have gone to his other children all into the child he does have. I understand how he got there, but then I’m not having my plans canceled on either so it’s easy for me to be compassionate.

It’s also sad that your boyfriend and his ex couldn’t stay together, how very sad to work so hard to have a child then not raise her as husband and wife. 
 
I wouldn’t stand for his commentary on your parenting, nor would I stand for playing second fiddle, unreliable is unreliable no matter how good it sounds.

I do wonder at some of your examples. “He flew her home to see her childhood dentist”, um, what did you expect him to do, tell her to walk?  
, but I’m also not convinced you would partner with anyone who liked their kids.  I’ve been around women like you, and there is something deeply ugly about them, they truly seem to despise the fact that their boyfriend had sex with another woman and has a kid.  
I saw my childhood dentist for years because he was good at what he did.  If I’d gone away to school, my parents probably would have flown me home to see him, I remember my dad saying “He’s the least painful dentist I’ve ever been to”. If he was still in practice and I had reason to be in his neck of the woods, I’d probably still be seeing him. A good dentist is difficult to find, there are plenty out there will scam you, maybe that’s what Pops and his daughter were also worried about?

The check engine light, if dad owns the car, it may be easier for him to deal with it.

The music festival, I’ve never heard anybody use the phrase “she has to” without being nasty, like “She has to have a cake for her birthday” like it’s something dirty or inappropriate. If she enjoys music festivals, so what? Maybe you and Pops can go with her and enjoy the festival too, or at least learn why she likes them so much.  A music festival actually sounds like a lot of fun to me right now, I can think of three that your post inspired me to think about.

I wonder if you may be cold towards your kids, almost like a mama cat “Don’t bother me anymore, I’m done with this mom s***” after a few weeks. I wonder if you are jealous of her pleasures, she “has to go to a music festival” well, again so what. You’re free to go too if you’d like.

I’d say break up with the guy. I’m not convinced the kid is the problem you make her out to be 
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