Reply to How do "cool kids" become "cool"?

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[quote=Anonymous]
This topic is culturally relative as who gets labeled cool or popular in a given public city school vs. suburbs vs. small town vs. rural is undeniably variable based on the value systems of that culture and the visibility of the larger social dynamics (community status of family, wealth of family, community involvement of family, etc.). Add private school into that mix and it's another level of contributing social factors. Add boarding school....
The social structure of OP's query was not explicit in that regard. It can be rather painful to be on the fringe if you want to be in the thick of it, but as many parents have shared, if a kid is not invested in that, they can be genuinely cool and even popular regardless of their objective or subjective-perceived social standing.

There is research on this topic, but do know that there is less research in higher SES communities. If you areANy reading research on this topic, do look at sample population/research methods.

Socially, this cool kids grouping starts young. Sadlly, kids are noticing the "differences" at younger ages.
Extraversion/extroversion absolutely contributes. I have worked with many wonderful, charming children who checked all the boxes for being "cool" but were introverted in social settings.

Early childhood contributing factors: Attractive, tall, confident, funny, charismatic, neuro-typical kids get social feedback in the form of positive attention from others starting by at least age two. When their tiny peers start to notice and participate in this dynamic is when parallel play transitions to cooperative play. Remember that? The more socially aware kids seek out the other social/cool kids. I have observed it many times. Like attracts like. Anyone ever been told their child is a "sought after playmate"? To various others' points in previous comments, there is usually a social maturity in these kids via having older siblings or cool parents. (another thread?)

The early childhood piece is partly out of the control of parents, but likely a combination of genetics and environment. Like everything else. 
Kids may be relatively unaware that this attention is happening and may not consciously notice until they are older. By then, they are accustomed to and bolstered by the years of positive attention. 
Boom! Popular/cool kids.
This easy early popularity can easily get derailed by trauma, beauty that is only skin-deep, emerging mental health issues or learning challenges. 
My personal experience....looking back, I knew I was "popular/cool" but was unaware of outside perception....in part, because it had always been this way. 
The book "Class Matters" might be relevant here.

Much more to say but trying to keep it to early childhood.

Love to hear so many parents opining that their kids are popular because they are friendly and kind. These are enduring qualities that make for a better world in my personal opinion.

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