Reply to “The Harsh Reality of Gentle Parenting”

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Reply to "“The Harsh Reality of Gentle Parenting”"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She is talking about permissive parenting not gentle parenting. So her whole article is moot.

Nothing about gentle parenting says you cant have boundaries. Any of the gentle parenting books I have read or IG accounts I follow 100% espouse that gentle parenting is for allowing emotions and recognizing them without negating the need and enforcement of boundaries. For the shoe example or we are late example, you give them an opportunity to do it themselves and then you do it for them. That's holding the boundary. Shoes are not negotiable and school is not negotiable.

[b] "I see you are having a hard time putting your shoes on today. (recognition) Mommy has a hard time too some days. (agreement that hard is normal) Im going to go get my purse and your bag for school. And when I come back I will help you put them on OR We are going to be late for school. I can put your shoes on for you or I can help you. You choose.[/b]
Nothing is said mean or with a wagging finger or a continuation in the car of "why do you make us late everyday. We do the same thing everyday. I think you do this on purpose because you are a naughty boy" It is said matter of fact and without blame/shame. Emotions are ok. Feeling slow/not wanting to do something is normal. There are days for being lazy and being barefoot, today is not one of them.

There are mitigation techniques. There are boundaries. There is getting to know your child and understand when they are struggling and when they are [i]struggling[/i]. It isnt cut and dry and the important part is the sum of the whole. As a parent you will lose you temper. You will get frustrated. You will shame. You are allowed to be human. What you are not supposed to do is allow it to pass without recognizing and apologizing, without noticing your own struggling behaviors/triggers and working on them. There is no point to gentle parenting without actually learning how to enforce boundaries AND be gentle/respectful. Part of learning how to do that is understanding where they are coming from developmentally. Expectations are important but flawed and a source of discontentment with all parties if the kids are even capable of doing it.

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I do agree with you, but my issue has always been that I don't know what to do when this tactic (logical consequences) doesn't work. I try this every damn morning, but my son just doesn't care, so I end up doing "I'm going to count to 5 and if you're not here to get dressed then (insert consequence)." It's usually that his current favorite toy is away for the remainder of the day, or after school tv time is cancelled. I know the consequence isn't connected to the behavior but it's the only thing that gets us out the door. [b]I think the dissonance that a lot of parents feel is that we feel like if we're doing gentle parenting the right way, we shouldn't have to resort to authoritative parenting. But that just doesn't seem to work in practice. [/b]I still think a lot of gentle parenting tenets are great, but I think a lot of parents get wrapped up in doing them perfectly (especially with the constant exposure to "do this, not that!" type posts on social media).[/quote]

+100 Sometimes reading the advice given in books and articles I feel like these people have never actually met a real young child. They are like parents who had one easy child and think they know it all. I empathized, gave voice to and validated feelings but we also provided clear rules and consequences and a lot of structure. [/quote]

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