Reply to Ok to just make major parental decisions solo?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It is possible to be both gifted and have some kind of disability, some of these posts make me understand why your husband might hesitate on getting an evaluation.

My kid is smart, and also has an iep because she does need some accommodations not given to the class as a rule.

I’ve noticed a few things with having an IEP.  First, the school sets it up as us v. them. Everybody has been pleasant, but there is definitely a “We’re in charge, and you aren’t” attitude.

I’ve noticed too that they set low career aspirations for her, almost like now that she has a diagnosis they simply don’t expect much.  Nobody has ever said this, but I can see it in the meetings.. and to be honest, I’m not really sure they know they are doing it.

They have offered accommodations that don’t make sense, I can remember one IEP meeting where they kept pushing an accommodation because one of the ladies on the school’s side of the table (and she was literally on the school’s side of the table) had a son who used it, only problem, her son had a very different disability.

Your husband is right to be skeptical.  He’s right to not blindly trust what the experts tell him.  He’s right to wonder what the diagnosis will mean, will you treat your son differently in a way that may harm him.. he doesn’t have to clean up, he has (fill in whatever diagnosis).

You paint your husband as what I’d call a “typicl redneck” they get an idea in their head and nothing can shake it. Maybe he is.

It’s also possible he’s got some real concerns about the process and what comes next.  He also may have some experience in his past you may be unaware of which is making him upset.

I worked with a lady who rode the special ed bus when she went to school. She had asthma.  Today a kid with asthma would ride the regular bus, but that wasn’t done when she was in school.  She truly hated the special ed bus. Just being on it got people to think she was what used to be called mentally retarded.  I’m sure there were other things that upset her too, not being able to wait for the bus with her friends, perhaps being treated like she was stupid, things that are huge when you are a kid, and which are difficult to explain to an adult.  She was in her fifties, hadn’t ridden the short bus in decades and it still upset her. She once told me “I hate seeing those busses on the road, I’ll quit my job and drive my kid to and from school if school wanted him to ride that bus, he can ride a regular school bus, but I won’t have him ride the short bus”.  I believe she meant it.

Given your husband’s and your past disagreements, he may feel that he’ll be ignored about what he wants for his son.  Could he be more right then you want to admit?  The fact that you’re thinking of just excluding him makes me wonder.

[/quote]

To be honest, I am shifting gears as we speak.  The more I am learning more about a 504 would really do for our child, the more I'm questioning whether it is the right fit for our child.  Also your post really gave me some pause.  You bring up a lot of the same concerns my husband had about the destructiveness of a label. He thinks it would be harmful for our child to identify with a label.

And to be clear, the school did not say we should get a 504.  We had our end of trimester scheduled meeting, and their exact words: "you should look into a 504 and see if you think that might be beneficial for your child as he goes into middle school". And when I asked what that means exactly, they explained that it would provide for certain accommodations that are typically provided for children with ADD or ADHD, but that you don't need a diagnosis, you just need to show that those accommodations would be beneficial.

And my husband a redneck? No. Like I said in an earlier post, he is very smart, gifted, and was valedictorian and I think very much sees himself in our child. I did bring up the idea of having an evaluation done a year ago, but he was against it and we have not pursued that path.

And after our discussion last night, he does not seem opposed to the 504, if all that is required is a doctor's note, so I guess our disagreement is now a moot point.  Now I'm just trying to make a decision as to whether that's the right path for our child.[/quote]

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