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[quote=Anonymous]The replies in this thread are interesting because it's made me realize that people have different conceptions of what "mom guilt" is, and I guess feel guilty about different stuff.

I posted upthread about how I do sometimes feel mom guilt but I recognize that it is ALWAYS externally imposed on me by unreasonable expectations for moms. Like to me, mom guilt is that feeling of not-good-enough I sometimes get because I'm not, like, making my own baby food at home, or haven't signed my toddler up for soccer yet, or whatever. The source is never my kids, it's always other people or just the zeitgeist telling me I need to be doing a million things that no human being could possibly do all of while maintaining her sanity. And I brush it off for that reason -- that guilt is not about me, or my actual kids, or our actual lives. It's just misogyny dressed up as concern for kids.

I also don't feel guilty when my kids whine that they are bored or when I have to go to work or do something for myself instead of hang out with them. Like, ever. I know I'm doing the right things for them, it's okay that they are sometimes unhappy about it. I remember that feeling from when I was a kid. But I think about the long game, too. As several PPs have said, it is GOOD for your kids to be forced to entertain themselves and to be independent and not always get what they want. But I also think about how valuable it will be for my daughters in particular to have memories of me saying "No, I have to work" or "No, I'm going to do some yoga and take a bath" or "No, your dad is doing dinner with you tonight because I'm going out with my friends." I don't think it's good for children to see their mothers as their personal butler/best friend/maid/assistant. My husband is a great dad and my kids have great teachers and I am not the ONLY one who can do stuff for them. A lot of times I shake off the mom guilt specifically because I want them to see me shake it off. They need to know moms are allowed to have their own lives, take time for themselves, work outside the home, etc. I think they will be grateful to me for showing them that when they are grown -- it will make their lives better in the long run.[/quote]

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