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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]
31 and married only about 6 months, first serious relationship for me.  Spouse is very transactional with me on everything. For example, spouse might say “I’ll do the dishes this week but you need to take the car in for the annual checkout.”  Loves to say “You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.”  Is thus unusual?  Feels odd especially when applied to our intimate relationship. [/quote]

There are probably people out there who are fine with it. Those people may also be economists.

[b]To me this is the opposite of marriage. Sounds like he’s completely self interested and will only do something nice for you if there’s something in it for him.[/b]

Many years ago my grandmother, who lived a great love story, told me that the secret to a happy marriage was for both partners to put each other first. I don’t always achieve it, but I aspire to it. [b]Sounds like your husband would never consider doing something nice for you if there’s nothing in it for him.
[/b]
I’m sorry, but I would find this marriage to be unbearable and a terrible mistake.[/quote]

+1  This is the crux of the issue.  It's fine to want to keep things fair but it doesn't sound like OP's DH is aspiring to fairness.  He's setting the terms and telling her what her efforts are "worth" to him, and he also created the economy where she only gets what she needs if he gets what she wants and now he's insisting she has to participate in it.  Because that's how it's supposed to be, based on his first, failed marriage.

OP this is not a marriage.  I wouldn't stick around to see how much worse it can get.  [/quote]

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