Reply to Husband is silent when I most desperately need reassurance and acknowledgment

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I know what reassurance looks like. I don't have any real understanding of "acknowledgment and validation." I mean, I can come up with something like dictionary definitions, but I fundamentally can't imagine my emotional state getting any better because someone says "I acknowledge that you feel this way," "your feelings are valid," or other words which aren't so literal but attempt to express the same sentiment.

I'm going to feel the way I feel regardless of what someone else says. So, even if I have an intellectual understanding that some people have a different need, I'm really flying blind trying to give my wife or someone else what they need in this respect. [/quote]

This is me too. PPs have generalized this apparent lack of empathy as something men have, but I’m a woman and I often react the way OP’s husband does.  Top it off with my DH complaining at the moment that Ben doesn’t want me to fix the problem but instead just listen and validate.  Well you know what, I can’t really relate in the heat of the moment when he is venting or complaining.  I just have to be silent because by then I’ve already trie fix-it more, DH is annoyed by that, I feel I’ve failed him once again for lack of empathy and then I’m mad myself for not meeting his needs.  And also mad at DH for being so needy.  I come from a suck it up and fix it family.  So I stay silent after again walking into the same trap.  I’m disappointed in myself and I know what will come next.  DH will ask why I always make it about me when he’s the one experiencing the problem.  I also agree with the other PP that all those platitudes like oh, it’ll get better etc. are empty reassurances because I’m knee deep in the middle of the same problems and don’t see an end in sight either.  [/quote]

You are me.  Made worse by the fact that if I try to venture what is needed, it's somehow not the right thing and DH shouts "God you suck at empathy!"  If I ask what is needed, he shouts "any normal person would know!"

Needless to say it's not exactly encouraging me to speak up.[/quote]

I would love to meet this husband. [/quote]

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