Reply to When you can’t agree on having another child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]When DH and I married we agreed that we wanted 2-3 kids, but after we had our first, who is now 4, DH decided that it was more work than he anticipated and he does not want another. He is great with our daughter overall, but does not want to do it again. We both have siblings we are close to, and what makes this even harder for me is that I have a chronic illness that will mean I need care when I am older, and possibly won’t live as long as I could without this illness - so I really hate our DD to not have a sibling to help deal with all of this, even if there is no guarantee that they are close. DH is also 8 years older than I am.

[b]We have already seen a couples therapist twice but DH thought it was a total waste and having another child isn’t something you do for someone else when it’s really not what you want.[/b] At this point it seems like I have no other choice than to let it go and be happy with our one, since I won’t just get pregnant and see what happens.

Has anyone else been in this situation and have any advice to offer? How did you cope with not having another child and letting go of it?[/quote]

The bolded part seems to have been largely ignored in this thread, but I think it's a significant issue (albeit more of a relationship issue than a parenting issue).  The point of marriage counseling for an impasse like this isn't just to help the couple make a decision, it's to help them make the decision in a way that lets both spouses communicate and process their emotions about the issue so that it does not turn into a source of long-term resentment in the marriage.  It sounds like OP's DH dug in from the start that he wasn't changing his mind and therefore was not willing to engage in the marriage counseling, and as a result OP did not get that opportunity to be heard and to work through those emotions because her DH was not willing to hear it.  That's a far deeper level of selfishness than anything about the decision on whether or not to have another child.

OP, since your DH doesn't seem willing to engage with you in marriage counseling, I would highly recommend individual counseling for you to help work through your feelings about not having anymore children and about your husband's behavior toward you through all of this.[/quote]

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