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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I struggled with this for years until the one specialised nurse pulled me aside in the drive way one day. She knew I was wrecking myself trying to keep things safe and right.   She told me it was determined that Mom was cognitive enough to make her own choices. While they are not safe choices or the ones most would make, for now at least she gets to make them. [b]I think she was the only one ever who implied this mess was not my fault or responsibility. While dozens of others constantly breathed down my neck that I needed to do more or better. [/b]

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I can’t stress the bolded enough! I was just told the same thing. I DID feel it was my fault and my responsibility.[/quote]

That nurse is a Godsend and the people who blame the adult children need to step in and try it out for a bit. I am so sick of people thinking I have a magic wand. I am so glad there are angels out there who get it and supported you both.[/quote]

I am so fortunate that I have a sister who lived with my parents (with her family in a separate apartment) and took care of them during cancer bouts and general aging.  Although I voiced my opinion at times, I made it clear that it was her decision on what to do since she is the one that would be dealing with the outcome.  She's also a nurse so it made sense for her to deal with the medical issues.  I helped when I could (I live 4 hours away) by going down for a week at a time if needed.  My father has passed and my mother is pretty easy going and is now in assisted living although she may soon need a nursing home.  I am so grateful for what my sister has done and continues to do.  My mother has even helped her monetarily at times and has asked the other 5 siblings if that bothered them.  I just say I don't know how much money it would have cost to have someone do what my sister did, and there is no way that it would have been done as lovingly.  That is priceless.  [/quote]

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