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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Yes OP - one thousand times YES.

My teenagers and I were living with my elderly mother, and while she said she wanted and needed my help, she refused to take care of herself and constantly put herself in harms way. She drank 2-3 glasses of wine a night against doctor's orders b/c of meds, literally climbed ladders to fix things, refused to use her cane, refused to wear a mask. refused her medication. I was POA and she was showing signs of dementia, was a fall risk (fell several tines resulting in broken bones, but would deny falling), and refused to accept any boundaries I tried to set for me or my teenagers.  It was the worst period of my adult life and I very nearly had a nervous breakdown. She agreed to move into AL (she could well afford it), I helped her find a lovely place she liked,. But within the first month she stopped speaking to me and demonized me for "putting her away."

Long story short, she cut off all communication with us, and convinced many of our extended family that we were out to get her. Her efforts worked - many of our family has cut contact with us. But now my kids and I are much happier and healthier living on our own, doing lots of therapy, and frankly not worrying about my mother any longer.

She decided to stay in the AL home. We moved to a new place in a neighborhood better suited to our needs and lifestyle. And I'm so glad not to be responsible for her care and wellbeing. It was a thankless, horrible job.

So yeah, I should've done what's best for me and my kids years ago.
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Fellow unappreciated daughter here. I have found there is freedom in my mom trashing me to all her family and friends after I bent over backwards for her for so many years and was miserable and having health issues.It helped strangle the people-pleaser in me and it made me realize nothing I did would be enough so I might as well do much less.

I honestly at this point wish she would cut me off and stop taking to me because then I could happily follow her wishes. When her behavior was really awful at one point I announced to her I would be taking a break from her for a week because I could not take the yelling and insults and I needed to focus more on my family I created. She said "How about a month?!" in rage as though it was a punishment. I gleefully said "sure." In that month so many aches and pains vanished. I actually slept better and woke in the morning with a sense of hope. She tried to reach out to me before the month was over as though she was doing me a favor, and I informed her we had 2 more weeks.

I fully expect mom to accuse me of stealing in the future and to lash out physically at me because that is what grandma eventually did with my aunt, while my mom did little and was the Golden Child. At that point I will step away completely. [/quote]

GOOD JOB! And I mean that sincerely! The benefit of losing the people-pleaser mentality is you get your life back!!! Much love, PP. My Aunt referred to her caregiver as her slave two weeks ago to a friend of hers. Ummm. No. That did it for me.[/quote]

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