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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Do a lot of research about (domestic) open adoptions. Realize the life-long implications of having the birth parent(s) and their extended families involved in your child's life, and if that is something you are willing to take on. [/quote]

We only want to do closed adoption.

Is it only possibly trough international adoption?[/quote]

Totally closed adoption is not considered best for the child. Not sure how hard it would be to find an agency that allows it.

The child is likely to have questions down the line, and it is best if they have a road to getting them answered.

Some birth parents opt for little contact.

The worst is when it could be open, but birth parents just fade away (of their own choosing). Because then they knew the child and rejected them. [/quote]

Trust me, that is far from the worst in open adoption.  The unthinkable happened to us.[/quote]

IMO our family member's open adoption situation is a ticking time bomb. Bio family was welcomed to be involved from birth and they blew that door wide open with extreme involvement. They've made it publicly clear over and over that this is THEIR family's child. It's almost as if the adoptive parents are nothing more than caregivers.  [/quote]

That wasn't what I was even remotely talking about.  You clearly have no idea.  We maintain a very open relationship with the "birthmother's" family and they are wonderful.  We are all family.  There is no birth vs. adoption or competition like your family member does.  They are aunt/uncle/grandma/grandpa/cousins.  We talk a minimum of a few times a month, often more.  I don't have to worry about their intentions and they are very supportive of us (and we each consider each other family).  We have what you'd consider extreme involvement and its wonderful not only for them, but us and our child.

Your relative sounds horrible.[/quote]

We have a very good idea. It just isn't the same as your situation so don't point your smug finger.

Why does the relative sound horrible when it's the birthfamily which is being exclusionary? While you may all be one big happy family (sincere congratulations on that BTW) it sounds like you only have the one adopted child. It doesn't always work out like that especially if there are bio children in the family. The birth family does not consider the other bio children other than ancillary: "We are Larlo's grandparents." NOT "We are Larlo, Larla and Suzy's grandparents." Yet the adoptive family's side doesn't make that distinction.

This is an issue which is rarely talked about in many open adoptions and can be very thorny. [/quote]

Its not exclusionary.  They are not the other children's relatives and its their choice to include all kids or not.  But, anyone decent in adoption isn't calling the kids bio vs. adopted and it sounds like there are a lot of issues in this family  starting with you.  The family through adoption are the legal grandparents.  The birth family is only  the birth family to one child.  The parents should have thought about this and how they'd handle it prior to adoption.  They should not be expected to have the same relationship, send gifts to all, etc.  You are unreasonable.

No, I have multiple children.  And my kids aren't my adopted kids. They are my children.  They joined our family through adoption but that does not define their role in our family.[/quote]

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