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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again. Yes cutting her off is insane. Families aren’t perfect and I’m way past trying to change her into who I’d prefer she is.

I was more trying to see how long to wait to reach out/whether you rehash etc. We normally talk daily and I’m normally a peace maker, so this is really hard. 
[/quote]

OMG this is so hard for you, you poor thing.  Yes you need to reach out really fast.  I mean your husband only stood up for you and now you have thrown him under the bus by simply wanting to know how long until you go running to mom  and make things right.

Really are you ever going to stand up for the husband that stood up for you.  I would say when he says he never wants to see them again, he means it and this is of course nothing to you, because it's like so hard for you.  No one else matters, only that you can fulfil your damaged peace maker role.

People divorce over this.  Do you get it, your mother couldn't control herself and yelled at your husband for doing nothing but trying to defend you.  I would say his lesson next time would be to grab some popcorn and watch the circus from afar and let your family walk all over you and say whatever they were saying that he needed to defend you against.  Next time you should deal with it solely on your own.

Perhaps rather than worrying when you can just ignore it all and run to call mom, perhaps you can look at your husband who just got yelled at by your dysfunctional family.  Perhaps you could I don't know, show him the same support he showed you.

Your mother owes your husband an apology.  I doubt she has the class or dignity to offer one.[/quote]

[b]This is terrible advice. What in the world?[/b][/quote]

Did you read the part where OP said her mom was 'screaming' at her husband.  Did you not read the part where she said this is not atypical of her mom - meaning she has done this before.  Did you not read the part where OP says her mom is tough and doesn't believe others are good enough for her children.

You have never been screamed at have you.  Honestly think about this, how would you feel having someone scream at you, in your face.

If the mother was starting to lose herself and her control with all the kids around, she could have excused herself to go to a quiet place and just say that the activity was too much for her.  The mother cannot control her own emotions and can't regulate herself in a mature adult way.  Instead she gets overwhelmed and screams at people.  It's not up to other adults to control the environment so mom doesn't lose herself and start screaming, it's actually up to the mother to regulate her own emotions in a healthy way.

The advice given in this thread is that it's ok, its family and it's ok for family to scream in your face.  Or in your partner's face in front of their children.  The advice given here is ahhh it's ok its your mom.  Just forgive and reach out, poor thing.

I would say it's not normal and it's healthy.  No one should have to put up with being screamed at.  The mother owes an apology.  Kids are noisy, messy and crazy when playing all together.  If the mother can't handle that she needs to speak up calmly, otherwise she needs to excuse herself for some time out, go for a walk, go for a nap.

It is not ok to scream at people.  Not even a raised voice but to scream.  No, no, no.  It sounds like the whole family has learned poor communication and that no one was able to simply quieten the children and they all ended up in one another's faces yelling about discipline, well I guess they learned that from mom, thanks mom.[/quote]

The husband should have entered the ongoing fight.[/quote]

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