Reply to Should I excuse DH from nighttime duties?

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Reply to "Should I excuse DH from nighttime duties?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]8:57, you’re right, it’s a blip in the scheme of things. Baby’s first year is a blip - mine is 12 now so trust me it’s all a blip. But that first year can be a really hard blip.

It sounds like your baby was on the easier side when it came to nighttime stuff. Mine was hell - he didn’t STTN reliably until he was over 2 years old. He was also later diagnosed with autism (so it wasn’t my failure, it’s just the way his brain is wired).

My ex refused to help with night duty after baby was 2 weeks old - and we didn’t even make it through the first year before separating. Thank god we did separate because that’s not the only issue we had, but I was made to feel like I was crazy for needing more support for nighttime parenting. I wasn’t, my baby was just hard.

So, you do you. But when someone asks if dad should be given a blank check on nighttime parenting duty, the answer is No. Everyone can come up with their own way of dividing the labor, but moms sleep is not less important than dads. Even during maternity leave - mom is still healing after all and NEEDS sleep in order to heal. Yes, some moms feel great post-birth. They still need rest to ward off PPD/PPA. [/quote]

You are applying your extremely specific experience to all other people and then dictating how other families should arrange their lives. OP d  it don’t say her baby was really difficult at night. She didn’t say she was considering giving DH a “blank check” on nighttime duty. She is asking whether letting the partner who is going to work prioritize sleep while she handles night wakeups will throw their whole marriage and division of parenting out if whack. And many of us are sharing that we did this and no, it did not lead to our DHs never doing anything else or us getting divorced. OP has to decide for herself what makes the most sense for her specific situation.

And FWIW, I got tons of sleep during my leave. I didn’t even have family help like OP has. But my baby took a reliable morning nap and so did I. It was her only predictable nap, but it guaranteed two hours of catch up sleep every day. My DH did not have that option, so I think forcing him to wake up with the baby at night (so he could hand her to me I guess) and then be a zombie at work every day did not make sense to us.[/quote]

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