Reply to Dodged a bullet?

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Dodged a bullet?"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So I (39/m) met this great woman (31), or so I thought, in October. I was instantly smitten. She told me she wanted to take things slow and I agreed because I have my son to think about.[/quote]

Whoa. I get freaked out when men are "instantly smitten". You don't know me, there's nothing to be smitten over. It just comes across as desperate, or more concerning, as love bombing.

Also, you should take things slow because 1. It's a really smart idea and 2. She asked you to. Not just because of your son (that is a reason, but you make it seem like the ONLY reason).

[quote=Anonymous]Things were going really well the first few weeks. I had a business trip to Florida at the end of October. I asked her to come down but I could tell she didn’t really want to. While on the trip I told her I missed her and asked if that was weird. We were on FaceTime and she seemed a little hesitant and said that it wasn’t weird for me to say that I missed her, just confusing. I asked her why it was confusing and she said because she doesn’t know what’s to miss since we had only known each other for 3 weeks - fair enough. After this, I could tell she was getting a little distant. After Thanksgiving we didn’t talk for about 2.5 weeks.[/quote]

Yea, asking me to go on a trip and saying you missed me after 3 weeks would set alarm bells off. Any time I've dated a man who got attached quickly and rushed things, he ended up being controlling and upset when things didn't go his way.

Also, I don't want to pay for a trip with a man I just met. If he paid I would feel obligated to have sex, rush the relationship along more quickly than I wanted, or if I took the trip and realized we weren't compatible, I would feel like I owe him more of my time since he paid. I also don't want to deal with a man who gets angry if he feels taken advantage of if I go on the trip and then break up afterwards. That's happened to me before with men who bought me lots of gifts early on, when I ended things (especially if I hadn't slept with them) they got angry.

[quote=Anonymous]Last week she was on vacation in Mexico and so I decided to text her on Monday. I said I noticed we kind of fell off but if she was still interested I’d love to see her. She said she noticed that too and that sounded good and that she’d text me when she gets back on Thursday (yesterday). She texted me at 3:00pm saying hey. I responded to her text saying that I’d make myself free for a FaceTime call whenever she got settled in. She responded with a thumbs up about 2 hours later. She called me on FaceTime at 7:45 yesterday—so almost 4 hours later after I said I’ll make myself available for a FaceTime call.[/quote]

You were not clear. If I heard "I'll be available for a call when you get settled", I would assume he was operating on my timeline, not his. I would be very turned off by a man who wanted me to call him while I was still getting settled in.

In the future, try "would you like to talk tonight? I'm free from 5-6pm" and if that doesn't work, offer a couple alternatives for another day.

[quote=Anonymous]This really rubbed me the wrong way so I just didn’t pick up or call back. She then texted me at 11 saying she tried to call earlier and goodnight. I ignored that too.

I dodged a bullet, right?[/quote]

Wow, passive aggressive much? It's one thing if you were busy, but to not pick up because you're pissed a woman who was traveling all day didn't drop everything to call you is just plain sh!tty behavior.

Honestly, she dodged the bullet here. You are rushing things and being very controlling. Leave this woman alone and get therapy to figure out why 1. You get attached so quickly 2. You push to rush things 3. You expect women to do things on your timeline and 4. Your default response over minor things is to be passive aggressive. If I'm totally honest with you, you sound very controlling and possibly abusive, and that you are trying to love bomb her (the big vacation early on) and then punishing her for not catering to your demands.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics