Reply to Kind of Felt Uncomfortable Because of My Ethnicity On a Tour

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[quote=Anonymous]While it is natural to be "curious" about differences of any kind between ourselves and others, part of being an adult is learning that it is up to the other person to decide when and if to share personal information about themselves.

If you met a person with a very noticeable scar on their face, would it be polite if within minutes of meeting them you asked "what happened to your face?"  That isn't going to be perceived by others as trying to get to know them.  It's going to be perceived as nosy, intrusive, oblivious, or possibly even cruel.  Potentially that person could be proud of that scar and might volunteer at some point during the meeting that they are a proud survivor of cancer, or a former soldier, etc. Or it may be something they are horribly self-conscious about. But at the point you've keyed in on their physical appearance as the best way to "get to know them" you've reduced them down to that physical trait in a way that you probably don't do to people that look more like you.

This really isn't limited to ancestry- people can make people feel "othered" by keying in on any visible trait.  I have a friend who is 6'10".  It is rare for me to be out with him and not have someone stop and ask how tall he  is or make comments about basketball (no he doesn't play, he's an academic).  That must get so old.  I guess I don't really understand why most adults would understand that asking a person with a scar about their scar on first meeting would not be the best way to get to know them, but can convince themselves that it is perfectly fine to assuage curiosity by asking someone about their ancestry because they look different than you do.  [/quote]

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