Reply to When did your sexless marriage begin?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You sound a little nutty and overly dramatic.  One drunken comment and about wanting sex that night and you are in therapy for it two years later and have basically blow up your married sex life over this?  Sorry, I don't get it.[/quote]

[quote=Anonymous]You sound really fragile that you let a comment he made two years ago cause you to not want sex at all.  Could it be that the guy was just an AH in the moment after he assumed that sex would be part of a nice vacation where the two of you are getting away?  Was it really so bad that you are still holding all this anger from his one stupid comment, 2 years later??![/quote]

Curious if you are men? Interesting how you frame this as me "blowing up" my sex life when in fact it is his behavior that night that is a contributor here.

If you re-read my post you'll see that I said "it's complicated" and it isn't just about that one incident. But that one incident was part of a larger pattern of disrespect and undervaluing my emotional needs, for years, which overtime led us here. That incident is not the only reason we are/I am in therapy. In fact for while I ignored it/minimized it and that has been more damaging.

I feel tense and uncomfortable and unable to be vulnerable physically with him and I'm done having sex with him unless I feel differently. Unlike you, he is thankfully understanding about why and so there is a chance for us to resolve the issues and build back. I think and hope the sexless part of our marriage will be temporary and situational. And if he is unable to sustain the sexlessness during this time that I need then I'd understand and it would perhaps be time for us to consider ending it. Neither of us want that, but I'm also not going to have sex with him just to appease that. My appeasement of his sexual needs in contrast to my emotional needs is part of why we're here.

Whether you "get it" or not is immaterial -- I've posted and replied so that others can see different types/timelines of sexless marriages, even if they don't fit inside your understanding.

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