Reply to When did your sexless marriage begin?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]DW here. Timeline:

Years 0-12: sex 1x every 1-2 wks on average
10 mos ago: slowdown to 1-2x month
3 mos ago: sexless

The reasons are complicated but key things for me are 
- we have been emotionally distant for 3-4 years but still had sex routinely with DH as only initiator 
- 2 years ago we had an emotionally damaging (for me) sex encounter where I said No and he said he was going to get sex because he paid a lot for the trip we were on — really put a sharper point on sex entitlement/sex as transactional (note: we continued to have sex routinely after that)
- 10 mos ago in therapy together we switched roles where I would be the sole initiator and frequency went down
- 3 mos ago I was somewhat triggered about the events from 2 years ago and feel uncomfortable/emotionally unsafe having sex
- we are working hard on the emotional part and I hope the sex part will follow suit

Difference perhaps with other sexless marriages is because of our therapy we talk a lot about this stuff and we’re mostly on the same page currently despite there being no sex. 
[/quote]

This sounds terrible.  What on earth was the sex encounter? Was it a swingers type thing? I’m sorry that happened to you, and it’s not ok. [/quote]
Thank you. It always helps to hear that because for awhile I just brushed it off and also would sometimes wonder if I was being dramatic.

“Sex encounter” sounds more clinical or kinky than it was — by that I just meant a time that he and I had sex. We were on a big trip, we had had sex every night (3-4 nights) up to that point and when he initiated that next night I said no as I was tired and frankly sore. The he made the expensive trip comment and I basically froze up but we had sex anyway. We had been drinking wine at a nice dinner and he was drunk (and doesn’t remember the moment firsthand).

It has taken me awhile to acknowledge and realize how damaging it was for me emotionally, and I am in my own therapy too which I think helps. [/quote]You sound a little nutty and overly dramatic.  One drunken comment and about wanting sex that night and you are in therapy for it two years later and have basically blow up your married sex life over this?  Sorry, I don't get it.[/quote]

Can’t believe this PP and the one before are downplaying this.  She said no.  No means no even when you’re married.  Not okay.[/quote]

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