Reply to Could you forgive a one time misstep by your husband?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'd forgive it. If that's the worst transgression in a long and otherwise good marriage, you are doing better than most.[/quote]

OP here.  We've been married 7.5 years and dated 4 years before that. He's genuinely a good and honest guy which is why I'm so baffled by this. He's a good husband, the kind that calls when he's on his way home from work, brings me flowers because I like them. I don't have to beg him for help around the house or with the kids.  I've always thought of him as my best friend. To the pp who asked, The friends get together ever so often the last time was preCOVID . They decided to meet up again and have a Halloween party. I have gone in the past, but didn't feel like it, but told him to go because it had been a while since he had seen them and I believe we both deserve to have fun.

He's already deleted her from his phone and social media. I have access to those anyway. He's offered to get tested and go to therapy basically anything I want. I do believe he's sorry. I'm just so hurt, and I think more disappointed and shocked than angry, and while I'm not thinking about leaving him over this or anything. I don't think I can forgive him. either.

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I think you should try to recover from this infidelity. But it won't be easy, and it will require lots of hard work - especially from your DH. Therapy is a MUST.

There is no reason for you to make a snap decision. You don't think you can forgive him, but that is fresh on the heels of discovery. It takes at least a year to recover, though the fact that he is remorseful and has already gone no contact is promising.

I speak from experience. I was pregnant with my third when my DH got drunk and made out with a friend. He probably would have done more, but she was adamant about not getting involved with a married man. In our case, DH was an alcoholic, and it was this incident, and the fall-out in our marriage, that helped him get sober. He also started therapy with an addiction specialist, as well as our couples therapy. It wasn't a short or easy process, but I have forgiven him and am happy now. Have I forgotten? No, but it doesn't occupy my thoughts much. And our children have grown up in a stable and happy home. They have no idea what happened, nor how close we came to divorce, but both DH and I are grateful that we didn't divorce.

Take good care of yourself. Eat, exercise, sleep. And if you want advice that isn't just "divorce now," check out surviving infidelity. [/quote]

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