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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Op you may disregard but I am adult with HFA and ADHD and academia is fantastic for it.

As someone who is now a professor, I want to suggest that the chances of reentrance even after withdrawing are likely quite high, if he withdrew during the pandemic. It doesn’t hurt to ask.

Also he should really consider a PhD now. It has been hard for foreign students to come which are the lifeblood of many of these programs. He may be really surprised what he gets.

But if he doesn’t really want a PhD that is a different story. When I stayed home as an adult my parents (again not the parent but the child) told me I had to get a job, even if it was a menial one. I found a job in tech support and that was enough boredom to get me interested in school again. I don’t know if it will work but hope these suggestions offer some value.

Also, and I say this gently
, please remember that the goal isn’t for him to acknowledge his disability - it is to get a job, be happy and have a successful life. Maybe focus on those first.  Think of it like a chronic illness, which it is. Focusing all day on your rheumatoid arthritis wouldn’t be fulfilling. What would he wou he to go back to school, and to be motivated to get the right sleep and exercise.  And it would be wise under those circumstances  to chose radiology over surgery. I found a job I loved by following things I liked and could do. That positivity feedback also now motivates me to work on my communication skillls and health. I’m still terrible at small talk but I am regularly told I am an excellent technical writer. And I run each day to keep a clear head for thinking about science. If someone told me I should do those things to keep my ASD at bay I would be humiliated and would probably stop just to spite them. It isn’t rational but there you have it.  [/quote]

Thanks for the suggestion. I've asked DS if he regrets leaving his program, but he says "I made my decision" whatever that means.

It's a good idea to insist he get a low-level job. Maybe a boring job will make him realize how lucky he was to be in such a great PhD program. [/quote]

This is the PP above. To me your DS’ comment sounds like rigid ASD like thinking. Probably what he thinks is final but it shouldn’t need to be.

But before you tell him that, Op you sound exasperated and I would probably be too. I have an ASD child too and it is exasperating. But I’m sure you’ve been told that like any person, a person with ASD wants their feelings validated. Try to listen to him to make him feel heard. Tell him you love him. Then you can try to work on the problem. My child can rage with anger or be trapped in rigid thinking and scolding or arguing or even telling does zero and dogs you in deeper. But validation, listening love and empathy work on him the way they do with non ASD children. Sometimes even better because he is so hard on himself and others are too snd he is craving even a little positive interaction and love.  It can be hard to get past the frustration you feel with negative thought and behavior patterns but it is so critical. Good luck to you and your son. Remember also that life is long and he will move past this stage. Leaving home and setting up for yourself is a huge change and is just ridiculously tough for ASD people who fear change. So be patient and understanding.his problems will never be “over” - ASD is a weakness and a strength for the rest of his life. But he will get to a better place where he can be happy and successful. The thirties and beyond can be really great places.[/quote]

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