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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Can you see him without seeing your mother? [/quote]

No. She works from home and doesn't have any outside activities she does so they're both always at home. Plus there aren't any hotels near them. We've always stayed at their house. [/quote]

I think I would not visit. I’d FaceTime. Let your kid send a card. [/quote]

This. I saw my father up until the day before he passed. He had no idea who I was. The end looks really awful. I don't want to trigger anyone so I won't go into graphic detain, but I did it without my kids. One sibling who saw him less than I did made me out to be a terrible person for not bringing kids. She brought hers and they did not sleep for days and she had to get the older one therapy. I kid you not.

My mom tried to scapegoat me too. I could write a novel on that too. It's like this strange psychology nobody talks about. How a mother could turn her rage and frustration with dementia on an adult child and verbally beat them to a pulp. It is more common than you think but it's like this well-kept secret and you feel so alone until you find others who experienced it.

Do what works for you. Ignore the guilt trips on here and from others. You are allowed to love your dad the way you want and you are allowed to show your love to him however you want.

Also, in case your mom gets psycho post-death about the right way to pay respects...you are allowed to honor his memory however you like. Nobody gets to control that.

Take care of yourself and welcome to the sisterhood that sucks. You are not alone![/quote]

This is the biggest bs ever. Custom is there for a reason, so shit people like you can’t reason their way out of their obligations. [/quote]

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