Reply to Professor here -- curious to hear parents' perspective on this

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous] ... Maybe a child like this needs to attend college from home? OR at least when their existing support network is very close by.

[b]At some point are you all just denying the severity of your child's disability? Instead of communicating that she can achieve her goals, but it may take a different path than some of her friends.  [/b]

(PS-My sister is a physical therapist. She said that sometimes she feels so bad for preschoolers whose parents are forcing them to try to do things that they are not physically capable of. They think if the kid just tries harder or tries the latest thing they read online or they switch therapists. But it is almost abusive that they won't accept their child's limitations.) I am not saying that is analogous...but sometimes you have to stop pushing the boulder uphill and find an easier path.[/quote]

I have worked in academia, and I think there is a tipping point to acknowledging disability that can be difficult to reach. It's hard for parents, and it's especially hard for kids. Developmentally, it is normal for them to take risks, have some element of magical thinking along the way, and perseverate on their identity as individuals and members of the community (this is when that gets solidified!).

I think the parents of children with invisible disabilities could gain some insight from child with visible disabilities. They usually don't have the luxury of a longer stretch where they can put off acceptance of the diagnosis. It's not hidden. You can't deny it. And that is really, really hard, but it happens earlier, and you incorporate it into your planning earlier.

[quote=Anonymous]I think some of the posters are confusing mental illness like depression or anxiety and learning disabilities like ADHD with immaturity, laziness or lack of motivation. Failure might help the immature or unmotivated but it does nothing to help the mental health or learning disability group. [b]It’s like expecting the kid in a wheelchair to get out of and run a lap. [/b]When he drags himself along the track taking 10 times longer you give him an F and laugh at him.

It is significantly harder for these kids to succeed and they need help. [/quote]

There's a big difference here, though. The kid with CP who uses a wheelchair for almost all mobility isn't mad that other people think he might need to use a wheelchair, or proclaiming loudly that he can walk just fine without it, or refusing to take into account how he is going to use that aid (in practical terms) when he moves out of home, or having meltdowns about people mentioning the wheelchair.

These young people with depression, anxiety, ADHD, learning disabilities, and the  like are no longer kids. Legally, they are making decisions for themselves. Developmentally, this is a transition they all need to make. There is a real problem when that autonomy collides with a lack of acknowledgment of the difficulties which need to be dealt with through that autonomy.

In some ways it's reminiscent of what happens when people age, have difficulties, but cannot or will not acknowledge them. And I think there are built in checks for this with visible physical disabilities that just aren't there for the invisible ones. I don't think we have any idea -- as a society that values autonomy over almost everything else, as a whole -- of how to address that.[/quote]

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