Reply to Twin play date, one twin left out…

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]So nice to hear non-twin  parents[b] blocking friendships[/b] and penalizing kids based on a slightly awkward situation that is not at all within the kids’ control. [/quote]

dp But is it really the non twin parent who is blocking friendships? It seems that twin parents are because you are not allowing individual friendships to blossom and you are elevating the twins' relationship.  You are family and have tons of opportunity to bond with you twin when you are at home.  Two hours away from your twin isn't going to kill anyone![/quote]

It isn’t about the difficulty being away from the other twin. I wouldn’t send both of my twins if only one was invited. It’s the idea that people don’t even want to bother inviting one twin because they feel guilty excluding the other one so they just exclude both. I agree it’s harder and there is no right answer, but it’s sad to see your kids get excluded literally just because they are twins and other parents don’t want to deal with that.[/quote]

I don't know that it's that they feel guilty.  I think it's that some moms of twins insist that twins are a package deal and their twins have to do everything together, and people see that and think that they don't want to deal with two kids (or their kid is really only friends with one of the twins, or the dynamics of a three-person playdate are different) so they just don't invite the twins.  Making clear that you're okay with your twins having separate playdates and activities is one way to ensure that they aren't excluded on that basis.  I'd invite one twin, but if the mom wanted the other twin included, too, I'd probably not invite either one anymore.  We're talking about elementary-school-aged kids -- most twins I know are not doing absolutely everything together by then.  They have separate playdates, and even play different sports.  Certainly, they are always placed in different classes in school.  [/quote]

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