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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have learned to be extremely suspicious of people who throw the word "family" around a lot, especially early in a relationship. I have known too many people who are eager to be part of my "chosen family" when it is convenient for them, and especially when they are clearly in need of a sense of belonging.

I had a number of friends who wanted to be part of my family or said we were "like family" when I was in a very fortunate stage in my life -- had a great job, getting married, having a baby, lots of events and celebrations to be a part of. They really loved feeling like they were part of my inner circle during that time and I fell for it, assuming this was genuine affection for me and my family.

Most of those people were not interested in being "like family" when I went through some tough times more recently. In fact, I was hard pressed to find someone to talk to about my difficulties and when I did, they often were not terribly good listeners or empathetic. Turns out they didn't care about me so much as they cared about how being around my good fortune made them feel.

Ironically, this is pretty much what my family of origin is like, too. But I don't need more people in my life who ignore my needs while demanding I attend to theirs. I have plenty!

My "chosen family" is my husband and my children, and two friends I've known for over two decades who I'd do just about anything for and who have proven they would do anything for me. Family stands the test of time and tragedy. Everyone else is a tourist.[/quote]

Totally. Thank you for this. People are friends who are family when we bought a big house, hosted elaborate parties, and were generally a ton of fun with cute little babies. 
There are less “family” when things got hard during the pandemic. -op[/quote]

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