Reply to Tell me about your spouse’s limerent affair…

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My advice to you is: do not file for divorce. Do not separate. Let him know how much he has hurt and is hurting you. Remind him that he loves his children and what the long term effects of this will be on them. If you have daughters, as him if he wants them to end up as other women vs have healthy marriages as adults. Remind him that it is never between just the parents and the children sense what’s amiss and it affects their development. Remind him that the OW by definition has low self esteem and is putting up a brave front to lure him away; and that she is much more damaged now as a result of being an AP that she was when he made her one. But don’t talk about her too much. Focus on what this will do to your life, that he swore to protect; to his professional reputation; to his integrity, and to your kids. [/quote]

Thank you. 7:16 again. I don't know what to do - I don't want to be a fool. I don't want to end things quickly but seeing my DH cry for me and cry for her is disturbing.  I don't think I'll ever have his full loyalty and trust. I fear he will always miss her and long for her, and that if he stays with me, it's just for financial stability and the kids.[/quote]

The only thing that got my husband out of his limerent EA is me saying it's her or me.  I told him I wanted no part of a relationship where he was involved romantically (physical or non-physical) with someone else.  This was someone in our small town which we had a very high chance of running into so even if he cut off contact, he could run into her at an event, the grocery store etc.  I set the boundary that he could not have a one on one conversation with her ever again.  If you give this ultimatum, you have to be willing to follow through.

It took a bit of time, but he chose me.  10 years later, he's done a complete turn around and fortunately, the OW moved to another state.  [/quote]

I did the same...me or her. "I don't want you to ever talk to her again, if you do or even see her I want to know about it, I will leave, it's not a threat, you need to go back to therapy." It took time, the first year was very hard, ptsd for me. He ended it right away and we are, now 5 years later, much closer and actually much better. He was lonely and I was unavailable at that time due to work,  not that it is an excuse at all. These things happen....probably a lot more than we realize.. They do hold on for awhile, of course their feelings linger. But sometimes they come back and I know intuitively he is now all in with me and our family, for the good and the bad, because I felt what it was like when he was not and it's night and day. The darkest moments were of course fearing he still thought of her and cared for her...I am sure he did. He still may, who knows? But it was a long time ago and I said out loud a lot of all of these fears, accepting thete is no future guarantee for anyone but the passage of time and rebuilding in the present together really did make him fall in love again,  with me. He is a better husband but moreso, a better person than he was before. They can grow and be better, if they feel genuine remorse for hurting you. [/quote]

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