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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My father was very similar to the OPs DH. My siblings and I were thrilled when they divorced and we didn't have to live with him. I'd encourage women who have allowed themselves to become dependent on their abusive spouses to figure out how to support themselves financially and take ownership of their lives and take care of their chidlren. My mother was lower middle class and she managed to leave him and raise us as a single mom and give us a very nice life.

I know that I am going to get flamed for this. But to the OP and all of the ladies with similar husbands, was this behavior really so well hidden that there were no signs before marriage and children? My mother was pressured to get married young and has shared with me that she ignored some signs of my father's issues. She still managed to be a great mom despite him and the only thing I slightly resent from time to time is that she chose him to be our father. Staying with an abusive spouse because you are unable to support yourself is not being a good parent in my experience. Flame away. [/quote]

No flaming here..and I’m the Op.  I spend a lot of time in therapy figuring out why I married him and how I could have been so stupid and then learning to do forgive myself so I can be a good mother to my children despite all of that .  All of the signs were definitely there.  I was 19 when we started dating and wish I wasn’t so young and stupid back then.  To only know one tenth of what I know now would have been helpful [/quote]

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