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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sounds hereditary- his father, him, possibly your difficult youngest daughter or the sons.

Read up on NT/AS relationships or www.theneurotypical.com

Does he have any deep or meaningful relationships? Or just talk shop or TV shows or news articles? Can he discuss anything if feelings are mentioned or involved? Or stonewall or get angry and deflect?[/quote]

NP here.  OP, I empathize because I have posted before, and gotten the "DCUM Treatment" (in short, gaslighting for being gaslit). I was actually reluctant to post, until I saw so many PP's in the same situation.  All the intangibles, all the social and emotional issues that come about as a result of being with someone like this, for so long.

This PP's posting really helped, and reignited my interest in the subject. Some periods are worse than others, and (for example) being around DH's family brings out the worst in him, because they constantly treat him as a second (or third or fourth) thought. They do not include him in family events (before DCUM tries to pile it on, as they do - it has nothing to do with me, I get along with his family just fine). So many items on the referenced list (posted above) - [b]naively gullible; terrible driver (her gets screamed at constantly on the road, it is dangerous), oblivious to others' feelings, touch averse, poor impulse control, "lack of understanding that they don't understand", they are always right, interpret everything literally, do not take your existing knowledge into consideration, rigid routines, same foods every day, present as "Mr. Nice Guy", same phone game for hours upon hours upon hours each day, emotional deprivation, fooling marriage counselors into taking their side, and more[/b].

Sadly, the NT spouse gets the brunt of the rage (unable to process emotions properly or without rage). And yes, one or both of his parents are the same. I suspect that DC may have been lucky to have escaped, but DH still tries to triangulate, and creates a volatile situation whenever possible.  If I left, the kids would have no college, frankly (I have run the numbers, before DCUM tries to pee on that, too).

It is always a relief to find out you are not alone in this terrible situation, OP.  We didn't ask for this.  Research will tell you that spouses with these traits are perfectly capable of presenting normally (ie: when dating). [/quote]

OMG. Every single one of these describes my husband. I'm sort of shocked seeing this in writing describing anyone other than him. This is oddly validating and supremely sad all at once. I'm going to dive into those resources. But literally Every. Single. One. of those traits he possesses. Sigh....[/quote]

Welcome to getting out of the fog in high functioning autism and verbal abuse. [/quote]

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