Reply to DH shoved me to the floor while screaming shut your f’ing mouth…

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here, I am miserable in my marriage a huge amount of the time, and I have the means to leave.

I didn’t call the cops because I didn’t want to put my kids through the experience of being interrogated about what they saw and feeling responsible for putting their dad in handcuffs based on what they said.

I guess my point is that things are not black and white when I talk about what happened IRL, but here, anonymously, everyone acts like it’s so black and white. IRL, the consensus is “stick it out” or “work on your own issues” which is just so different from the advice here about physical abuse.[/quote]

Sorry, but there is only ONE right piece of advice for someone in your situation. It IS black and white. How to leave may not be, but whether to leave IS.

You are either listening selectively or seeking advice selectively. No qualified counsellor would say "work on your issues" when you are being physically and emotionally confused.

When you picture what will happen your children when/if the police come, you are again being selective. Their OTHER option is to keep witnessing violence and abuse against someone they love. Fear of someone who is supposed to protect them. Really  unhealthy dynamics between family members who are their role models for what love looks like. Their lifetimes may be full of that VERSUS one night of seeing public safety officers stopping a violent man from hurting the person they love. You could model what it looks like for a healthy adult to use community resources, so that she and her children are proteced.

Your thinking is VERY distorted. Probably because of your own family or origin or how your partner has manipulated you.

A brief episode of legal intervention, that frees your children from growing up in an abusive family (with all of the lifelong ramifactions that have been described on this thread) is ACTUALLY like winning a lottery. Please search for some healthy instrinct in yourself, enough courage to ask for help (from QUALIFIED professionals). You could be saving your children from a lifetime of being broken. [/quote]

This is all very correct.  Look at it this way.  Even if you love DH with all of your heart and he is the one and this was meant to be and you are still wild about him ---- even if all that was true --- you have to get out.  It may break your heart but studies have shown that physical violence escalates.  Maybe it won't with him but you cannot at all in any way know that.  The odds say escalate.  You need to be ahead of that.  [/quote]

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